April Fools 2021
8:09 am. The red herring-red herring “prank” kicks off the day. Leslie fills a bowl of ice cold water and slinks slowly into the bathroom, where Eric (Target Alpha) is enjoying a hot shower. Poor Eric has horrible vision without his glasses. Throwing the cold water over the top is so overdone, so Leslie instead forcefully tosses the water horizontally at Eric’s waist. Eric shouts. He is startled, but he quickly laughs. He is the perfect husband for someone like Leslie. Leslie exclaims “Happy April Fool’s!” It doesn’t even deserve to be called a prank, but it was satisfying nonetheless.
8:25am. Eric and Leslie review the prank itinerary for the day. This year is a special year. Eric will be making his debut as a prankster. He has already contributed excellent content and ideas for the prank against Vadim (Target Beta, aka the only target in Eric’s mind). Eric is bright-eyed and gleeful at the festivities planned against his dear friend. Leslie is brighter-eyed and devilishly gleeful at the festivities planned against her dear husband and his dear friend.
10:13 am. The red herring prank is initiated. Leslie sends a script for her mom’s best friend, Judy. Janet and Judy are awesome! Background story: Before today, Leslie’s parents were two of only five people who knew Leslie is planning a meta-prank. Leslie can trust no one else. On April Fools Eve, Leslie was running through the plan with her mom, and asks “Am I missing anything to make it more believable?” Janet makes an excellent point: Eric will be expecting a prank. So if a prank happens earlier in the day, his guard will be fully down for the eventual real show.
10:37am. Shirley from Wells Fargo informs Eric that he owes $2,940. Leslie and Eric want to be homeowners. They just recently started applying for preapproved mortgage loans. They have been BLOWN AWAY by how many expenses are involved in the process. Leslie and Eric may never own a home. Fortunately, they were pre-approved by Dennis Lopes at Wells Fargo on March 30. But only to discover the next day that their credit scores totally tanked by 20+ points - thanks, Dennis! Knowing that Eric is primed for quick mortgage-related furry, Leslie instructed Judy to use her MSP phone number to appear as a Wells Fargo “call center” and regrettably inform Eric that the pre-approval letter was not a free service. In fact, it requires paying a fee that is 0.7% of the approved mortgage amount. Judy performs beautifully:
And it works!
11:39am. Eric hears the red herring voicemail, and momentarily forgets it’s 04/01 and he is married to Leslie. Eric takes the bait, it’s too easy. It takes less than 30 seconds for him to remember the cold hard facts about life. He is married to a monster, the kind of monster who is sweet and charming ~363 days a year, but transforms into a puckish pixie at the sound of the words “prank”, “gag”, “high jinks”, “trick” or “Eric in the shower.”
Return focus on Target Beta.
12:07pm. Leslie drops off letter for Vadim from the RMV. Through consulting with Vadim’s roommate, Greg, the coast is confirmed as clear. Leslie is paranoid that Vadim might show up at any moment, so she wears a disguise (Exhibit A), unwilling to risk a foiled prank. Leslie leaves the impressively official-looking envelope (Exhibit B) for a hopefully unsuspecting Vadim. Leslie briefly feels guilty for having worked only ~1.5 hours today, but it is a fleeting guilt. April Fool’s Day is a holiday in her eyes.
Exhibit A. Unimpressive disguise
Exhibit B. Impressively official-looking envelope
12:53pm. A voicemail from caseworker Terrance “Terry” Guilford is left for Vadim. Equipped with just a rough draft script and his own raw, underappreciated talent, Chris Liberge brings Terry to life. (He should have been cast in The Sphinx). The voicemail comes in from (857) 308-4326, a Google Voice number Leslie purchased because it (a) starts with a local Boston area code and (b) ends with the numbers that correspond to IFBM. More on that later. Terry explains that an important letter was misaddressed to Mr. Kuklov. He goes on that today at 6pm is the deadline to respond, so a coworker is dropping off a new copy of the letter. Terry directs Mr. Kuklov to read the letter for instructions.
12:56pm. Vadim calls the caseworker line back. Vadim has not yet read the letter. Vadim is bad at listening to instructions. Terry would shake his head.
3:20pm. Vadim arrives home to some very bad news. Roommate Greg texts Leslie to confirm that the eagle has landed. The “main event” is in full swing. The letter Vadim receives is from the RMV in collaboration with the Insurance Fraud Bureau of Massachusetts (real website). Apparently, a nosy Commonwealth citizen has reported him via the I-Pay-Tax complaint form (also a real website #OnlyInMA #MindYourOwnProblems). In fairness, Leslie and Eric had scolded Vadim for delays in his vehicle registration. (NOTICE TO RMV OFFICIALS: THIS POST IS A PRANK). Anyways, the letter is incredibly believable. How?
Eric and Leslie spent last Saturday reading Massachusetts laws in order to identify any laws Vadim might be convinced he could have broken. (NOTICE TO RMV OFFICIALS: THIS POST IS A PRANK).
Eric communicated with Vadim’s brother, Tigran, to provide information about Vadim’s auto insurance company and license plate.
Eric’s cousin Nancy and her partner Carly are both lawyers. Carly copyedited the letter and added the finishing touches. Nancy’s part comes later. (NOTICE TO THE MA BAR: NEITHER NANCY NOR CARLY WERE RETAINED AS OFFICIAL LEGAL COUNSEL).
Anyways, the letter informs Vadim that he needs to confirm its receipt by April 1, 2021 or he will be summoned to a formal hearing. See for yourself:
3:54pm. Vadim is not doing so well. He sits in the kitchen for 20 minutes, trying to process what he is reading. He calls his parents. He cancels his plans for the weekend. Leslie and Eric had been waiting with bated breath, but clearly, the have successfully locked on target.
4:02pm. Vadim calls to speak to a caseworker. Finally, Vadim gets better at following instructions. He calls (857) 308-IFBM to speak to a caseworker. While he waits for a caseworker to come on the line, his ears are graced with the dulcet tones of Bobbing (hold music band) featuring Nancy (Eric’s cousin, remember?). Nancy is a former voice actress for educational language learning CDs, so she is a very convincing operator. The audio recording is professionally spliced by Eric, who recently graduated with a mixology degree from Garage Band YouTube tutorials. (Congrats, Eric!) Like the letter Vadim received, this case worker line is very convincing. Listen for yourself:
Reverse course to focus entirely on Target Alpha.
4:13pm. The bait-and-switch. Leslie accidentally (or is it?) blows the cover by texting Vadim back in the group text thread. She tries to cover her tracks, but the jig is up! She calls Vadim to have a good laugh together. But really, Leslie has called for a very important reason: she needs Vadim to help with *her* April Fool’s Day prank. Days prior, Leslie had a consultation call with nominated prankster Davey Calef, friend of Chris Liberge (the person who should have been cast in the Sphinx, remember?). Davey is the REAL herring of April Fools Day 2021. You’ll just have to see for yourself below. Anyways, Vadim willingly obliges, and thus the hunted becomes the hunter. Over the next hour the stage is set:
Eric is suspecting that Vadim and his girlfriend, Amelie, are trying to prank him and Leslie back. We can have none of that, now can we? So Leslie calls Eric while he is driving home. She agrees it’s probably a prank, but insists that we can’t risk actually getting Vadim in trouble. She also points out that it would be very unlikely that they could have pulled together a revenge prank so quickly. And she’s not lying. Leslie and Eric hang up. Leslie then calls Davey to let him know it’s go-time, and she will be on standby to text him any needed info in real time.
5:46pm. Eric is in trouble with the law. “Clerk Calef” calls Eric. Now this part is best experience by listening to the original audio:
6:10pm. The big reveal. After the phone call ends, as promised, Clerk Calef sends the documentation for Eric to complete. Below is the video footage of Eric opening that email, along with a copy of the attached “paperwork.”
So, how did Eric take it? Well, folks, let’s just say that I married my soulmate.
